In this article, we will analyse IELTS writing task 1 response of a candidate.
Question:
You are shifting to a new home and writing a letter to your friend. In your letter, write:
- Tell her the news of shifting home
- Describe your new home
- Invite her to your home
Candidate’s Response:
Dear Natasha,
I was really glad to receive your email yesterday. As you might be aware that I was contemplating to moving my house from Park Street to West Avenue last time we had met. Let me give the good news that I have finally found my space in much better place than the West Avenue. It is called Pak Exotica on Ocean Road. Though this place is a little secluded from the city but its approach is far more better.
In addition to this, my home is just a 20 min drive from my workplace. In fact this is the main reason I have moved here. AT first, I was a bit reluctant in taking up the house as I had been living in Park Plaza All my life but let me tell you the people in my society and the overall aura of the place has made me and insider from a stranger.
My house is on the 11th Floor and is fully equipped with the kitchen accessories and a 24-hour helpline for any of your needs.
You have to personally come and visit my place to actually live my experience. Please make a plan in these summer holidays to come and stay with me and all in all have an outstanding experience.
Yours truly
Shamita
Now, let us find out what’s right and wrong in the above IELTS writing task 1 and what band score it deserves.
Para 1
Strength:
Answer of first bullet point is written well with good vocabulary (contemplating, secluded) and complex sentences. The sentences are free from grammar and tense errors.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“my house, from Park Street to West Avenue, last time we had met” should be “my house, from Park Street to West Avenue, last time we had met”, “in much better place” should be “in a much better place”, “Pak Exotica on the Ocean Road” should be “Pak Exotica and is located on the Ocean Road”, “its approach is far more better” can be “”its approach is far better.”
Para 2
Strength:
Answer of second bullet point is written well with good vocabulary (reluctant) and complex sentences. The sentences are again free from grammar and tense errors.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“In fact this is” can be “In fact, this is”, “AT first” should be “At first”, “All my life” should be “all my life”, “let me tell you the people” can be “let me tell you, the people”, “and insider” should be “an insider”
Para 3
Strength:
Extra information is given to extend the point.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“a 24-hour helpline for any of your needs” should be “a 24-hour helpline is available for any of your needs”.
Para 4
Strength:
The sentence is free from grammer or tense error.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“stay with me and all in all have an outstanding” should be “stay with me to, all in all, have an outstanding”
Expected Band Score: Band 7
The candidate form sentences, almost all the times, free from errors of grammar and tense. However, there are a few punctuation, capitalization and formatting errors but all answers to the bullet points are well explained which are easy to understand.
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